Sunday, June 24, 2012
Thursday, November 10, 2011
don't exactly think this is news, but...
...I'm going to Korea in February for a year :D
I'm going to be studying at Yonsei University, in Seoul. I absolutely loved Seoul when I was there this summer (only got to spend about 7 days there, booooooo), and I'm super excited to get back there...not to mention stalk the SM headquarters! muahahaha! anyways, I've decided that I want to start a second blog to cover my time there. Only, as we all know I am terrible about blogging - mostly because nothing interesting ever happens to me, and when it does it's usually negative so I just end up using my blog to bitch about it lol - so if I *do* start one, y'all need to PESTER me to keep it up. Savvy?
Oh, if anyone is wondering...I haven't bought my ticket yet, but I've looked at dates and fares and I think I've decided to leave February 7th, in order to get there the evening of the 8th (flying time + 16 hour time difference = technically takes more than one day to travel). Which means I'm gonna be spending my 21st there :D Not so special when you consider that I'm already old enough to legally drink - and do other things - there. But that's alright. Oh, soju, how I miss you~ I've already made plans to spend the day with one of my friends (she was my first co-teacher at English camp this summer). Her hometown is Gwangju and she goes to school in Suncheon (in the south; opposite end of the country from Seoul, haha) but she will come up and we will spend the day together :)) Her birthday is on the 19th of February, so only 8 days after mine! Ahhh I miss her. I'm so glad we text all the time :)
Alright, I really need to go now and write a Japanese literature paper on something I didn't read. Peace out.
I'm going to be studying at Yonsei University, in Seoul. I absolutely loved Seoul when I was there this summer (only got to spend about 7 days there, booooooo), and I'm super excited to get back there...not to mention stalk the SM headquarters! muahahaha! anyways, I've decided that I want to start a second blog to cover my time there. Only, as we all know I am terrible about blogging - mostly because nothing interesting ever happens to me, and when it does it's usually negative so I just end up using my blog to bitch about it lol - so if I *do* start one, y'all need to PESTER me to keep it up. Savvy?
Oh, if anyone is wondering...I haven't bought my ticket yet, but I've looked at dates and fares and I think I've decided to leave February 7th, in order to get there the evening of the 8th (flying time + 16 hour time difference = technically takes more than one day to travel). Which means I'm gonna be spending my 21st there :D Not so special when you consider that I'm already old enough to legally drink - and do other things - there. But that's alright. Oh, soju, how I miss you~ I've already made plans to spend the day with one of my friends (she was my first co-teacher at English camp this summer). Her hometown is Gwangju and she goes to school in Suncheon (in the south; opposite end of the country from Seoul, haha) but she will come up and we will spend the day together :)) Her birthday is on the 19th of February, so only 8 days after mine! Ahhh I miss her. I'm so glad we text all the time :)
Alright, I really need to go now and write a Japanese literature paper on something I didn't read. Peace out.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
75
1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My hair.
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Brown.
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yessir.
4.Do you plan outfits?
Yes.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Fucking STUFFED. Ate a crap ton at Buffalo, and I'm still paying for it. So worth it though.
6. Whats the closest thing to you that's red?
My walls :-o
7. Do you say aim or a-i-m?
AIM.
8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
I honestly don't remember.
9. Did you meet anybody new today?
Nope. Not unless you count the waiter at Buffalo or the Tech at the Apple store.
10. What are you craving right now?
A Klondike bar...how I could even think of more food I don't even know.
11. Do you floss?
Waterpic ftw!
12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Kimchi.
13. When was the last time you talked on aim?
Actually on AIM? Years ago. I use Meebo to talk to people using my AIM account, though.
14. Are you emotional?
Not at all. I'm like Dr. Fucking Spock.
...I'm annoyingly emotional.
15. Would you dance to the taco song?
Only if it got me tacos. Like a fucking taco rain dance.
16. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Probably to annoy someone.
17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Sort of a combination.
18. Do you like your hair?
I have a love-hate relationship with it.
19. Do you like yourself?
Most days. But I still have a love-hate relationship with myself.
20. Have you ever met a celebrity?
I met Tim Pawlenty once.
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Not at all.
22. What are you listening to right now?
"Get Me Outta Here" by Esmee Denters.
23. How many countries have you visited?
Only one (Austria), but in about a month I'm going to South Korea!
24. Are your parents strict?
A little bit. Not so much anymore.
25. Would you go sky diving?
Nahh I'm cool.
26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
Only so I could pour my drink on him.
27. Would you throw potatoes at him?
There's potatoes involved? Oh hell yeah!
28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in?
Errrm some nail polish I think?
29. Have you ever been in a castle?
Yes, actually. A medieval castle/fortress in Rosenburg, Austria that was (and still is) famous for its falconry.
30. Do you rent movies often?
Nope.
31. Who sits in behind you in your math class?
Gotta be in a math class to have someone sit behind you in it.
32. Have you made a prank phone call?
Not since I was 5.
33. Do you own a gun?
Nope.
34. Can you count backwards from 74?
Yes.
35. Who are you going to be with tonight?
I got a date with mah pillow~
36. Brown or white eggs?
It doesn't matter. They're both the same.
37. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
Yes. But in my defense, I bought it before Hot Topic became...what it is now.
38. Ever been on a train?
Yup, at the Grand Canyon.
39. Ever been in love?
You know, I'm still debating on that one.
40. Do you have a cell-phone?
iPhone.
41. Are you too forgiving?
Probably.
42. Do you use chap stick?
Yeah, but I gotta be careful what I use because I'm allergic to some kinds.
43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
Probably just hanging around the house doing nothing but watching Netflix.
44. Can you use chop sticks?
네, 잘 써~
45. Ever have cream puffs?
Probably at some point.
46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Yes.
47. What was the last question you asked?
"What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?"
48. What was the last CD you bought?
Technically it was Assassin's Creed II. It might be a game, but it's still in CD format.
49. Boys or girls?
Depends on what for. Sexually, I'm quite partial to penis.
50. What is your bus number for school?
I don't ride a school bus. Man I hated those days.
51. Is your hair curly?
Fuckin straight as a pin :(
52. Last time you cried?
Last Tuesday or Wednesday. Maybe Thursday. I forget which day it was. I think it was Thursday though.
53. Ever walked into a wall?
no... *shifty eyes*
54. Do looks matter?
Yeah. Anyone who says otherwise is lying.
55. Have you ever bought anything from PacSun?
Yup.
56. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yeah, usually me though.
57. Favorite time of the year?
Autumn.
58. Favorite color?
Red.
59. Are you sarcastic?
No, not at all.
60. Do you have any tattoos?
Not yet.
61. The last person you held hands with?
Probably Jared.
62. Do you sleep with the TV on?
Sometimes, if I really can't sleep I need the sounds of certain shows to help lull me to sleep. But I usually turn it off.
63. Where was your default picture taken at?
I have nfc.
64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Yes.
65. Do you like your life right now?
Overall, yeah.
66. How often do you talk on the phone?
Not very. I text all the time though.
67. What is your favorite animal?
Tigers. Then bears, then wolfies, then goats.
68. What was the most recent thing you bought?
An iPhone case and a car charger from the Apple store at Chandler mall today.
69. Do you have good vision?
With my glasses on, it's better than 20/20.
70. Can you hula hoop?
Not very well, no.
71. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
I don't know. It would really have to depend on what the context was.
72. Do you have a job?
Not yet, but I hopefully will when school starts again.
73. Can you handle the truth?
Sometimes I can't, but I can never handle being lied to.
74. What are you wearing?
A grey "Guinness" T-shirt and Spongebob boxers.
75. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yep.
My hair.
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Brown.
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yessir.
4.Do you plan outfits?
Yes.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Fucking STUFFED. Ate a crap ton at Buffalo, and I'm still paying for it. So worth it though.
6. Whats the closest thing to you that's red?
My walls :-o
7. Do you say aim or a-i-m?
AIM.
8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
I honestly don't remember.
9. Did you meet anybody new today?
Nope. Not unless you count the waiter at Buffalo or the Tech at the Apple store.
10. What are you craving right now?
A Klondike bar...how I could even think of more food I don't even know.
11. Do you floss?
Waterpic ftw!
12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Kimchi.
13. When was the last time you talked on aim?
Actually on AIM? Years ago. I use Meebo to talk to people using my AIM account, though.
14. Are you emotional?
Not at all. I'm like Dr. Fucking Spock.
...I'm annoyingly emotional.
15. Would you dance to the taco song?
Only if it got me tacos. Like a fucking taco rain dance.
16. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Probably to annoy someone.
17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Sort of a combination.
18. Do you like your hair?
I have a love-hate relationship with it.
19. Do you like yourself?
Most days. But I still have a love-hate relationship with myself.
20. Have you ever met a celebrity?
I met Tim Pawlenty once.
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Not at all.
22. What are you listening to right now?
"Get Me Outta Here" by Esmee Denters.
23. How many countries have you visited?
Only one (Austria), but in about a month I'm going to South Korea!
24. Are your parents strict?
A little bit. Not so much anymore.
25. Would you go sky diving?
Nahh I'm cool.
26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
Only so I could pour my drink on him.
27. Would you throw potatoes at him?
There's potatoes involved? Oh hell yeah!
28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in?
Errrm some nail polish I think?
29. Have you ever been in a castle?
Yes, actually. A medieval castle/fortress in Rosenburg, Austria that was (and still is) famous for its falconry.
30. Do you rent movies often?
Nope.
31. Who sits in behind you in your math class?
Gotta be in a math class to have someone sit behind you in it.
32. Have you made a prank phone call?
Not since I was 5.
33. Do you own a gun?
Nope.
34. Can you count backwards from 74?
Yes.
35. Who are you going to be with tonight?
I got a date with mah pillow~
36. Brown or white eggs?
It doesn't matter. They're both the same.
37. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
Yes. But in my defense, I bought it before Hot Topic became...what it is now.
38. Ever been on a train?
Yup, at the Grand Canyon.
39. Ever been in love?
You know, I'm still debating on that one.
40. Do you have a cell-phone?
iPhone.
41. Are you too forgiving?
Probably.
42. Do you use chap stick?
Yeah, but I gotta be careful what I use because I'm allergic to some kinds.
43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
Probably just hanging around the house doing nothing but watching Netflix.
44. Can you use chop sticks?
네, 잘 써~
45. Ever have cream puffs?
Probably at some point.
46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Yes.
47. What was the last question you asked?
"What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?"
48. What was the last CD you bought?
Technically it was Assassin's Creed II. It might be a game, but it's still in CD format.
49. Boys or girls?
Depends on what for. Sexually, I'm quite partial to penis.
50. What is your bus number for school?
I don't ride a school bus. Man I hated those days.
51. Is your hair curly?
Fuckin straight as a pin :(
52. Last time you cried?
Last Tuesday or Wednesday. Maybe Thursday. I forget which day it was. I think it was Thursday though.
53. Ever walked into a wall?
no... *shifty eyes*
54. Do looks matter?
Yeah. Anyone who says otherwise is lying.
55. Have you ever bought anything from PacSun?
Yup.
56. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yeah, usually me though.
57. Favorite time of the year?
Autumn.
58. Favorite color?
Red.
59. Are you sarcastic?
No, not at all.
60. Do you have any tattoos?
Not yet.
61. The last person you held hands with?
Probably Jared.
62. Do you sleep with the TV on?
Sometimes, if I really can't sleep I need the sounds of certain shows to help lull me to sleep. But I usually turn it off.
63. Where was your default picture taken at?
I have nfc.
64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Yes.
65. Do you like your life right now?
Overall, yeah.
66. How often do you talk on the phone?
Not very. I text all the time though.
67. What is your favorite animal?
Tigers. Then bears, then wolfies, then goats.
68. What was the most recent thing you bought?
An iPhone case and a car charger from the Apple store at Chandler mall today.
69. Do you have good vision?
With my glasses on, it's better than 20/20.
70. Can you hula hoop?
Not very well, no.
71. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
I don't know. It would really have to depend on what the context was.
72. Do you have a job?
Not yet, but I hopefully will when school starts again.
73. Can you handle the truth?
Sometimes I can't, but I can never handle being lied to.
74. What are you wearing?
A grey "Guinness" T-shirt and Spongebob boxers.
75. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yep.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Word Vomit.
The title is pretty self-explanatory. But I have to say it or else I'm going to pop.
I'm a fucking moron. But then, I'd have to be, doing what I did. I don't know how, but in the last week and a half I've turned into a greedy, selfish bitch, and I don't like this side of myself. But that doesn't mean I like that side of you, either.
I get your "word" crap. You say I don't, but that's not true. Just because I refuse to believe it doesn't mean I don't understand the "bigger picture," and to say that is disrespectful.
Why are you so proud to be "cruel" and "vicious"? Do you enjoy hurting me or others? And none of that "those words only have what meaning you attach to them" bullshit. It's one thing not to give a shit about what other people think and other entirely to crush them.
I know you have a life of your own, and obligations. I get it. Respect it, even. I'm sure we both know we are just using each other, and I'm fine with that. You don't want anything more, and at this point, neither do I. Or maybe I do, who the hell knows? But what I'm NOT fine with is being disrespected. Maybe it's just your tired babbling, like you said. Or maybe it's not. I don't get why you are never like this when you are right here next to me, but you are over the Internet. What, does the Internet give you cojones or something? People say and do hurtful things to me all the time, but I am not easily hurt. But now, you don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do you? It's partly my fault, for letting it hurt. That knowledge makes it hurt worse. And so on, like a cycle, ad nauseum.
You say you're happy, and maybe you are, maybe you aren't. All I ever want to do is make you happy, but it's like that's impossible. It makes me sick that I sit here crying and listening to shitty music, wondering why I'm such a problem. Why does it make me sick? I won't admit that I love you, because that means admitting you have power over me, and I can't give you that. Further, such an admission would likely only complicate the problem and make it worse. Or maybe that's exactly the problem. I don't fucking know.
But it's not all these things that make me a fucking moron. There's bigger reasons. Like the fact that I still fucking want you. I must be a glutton for punishment. I feel like I'm wasting my energy, constantly seeking your approval, but feeling like I'm never getting it. I've long felt this way, but it's really intensified in only the last week and a half. It's so stupid. Why does sex have to complicate things? I hate it.
I was serious when I said it felt like you were avoiding me. Again, I am aware you have a life and actually do other things, but I couldn't help but feel EXTRA avoided. It's stupid.
You've ruined me for other men, cliche as that sounds. It's not fair. I feel like I won't ever care about anyone else in the same capacity. Also stupid. I don't want to get close to other men, or let them get close to me. It's all just a stupid back-and-forth game, and I don't want to play it. Even stupider, because I'm way too young to be this jaded. All I know is that right now, right this second, as upset and hurt as I am, all I want is to feel your hands on me, running through my hair, over my face, my hips, my legs, everything. That's the most stupid. I constantly think about it. I'm like a frigging GUY. I feel powerless to it, and clearly I don't like that.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight
High off of love, drunk from my hate,
It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me
She fucking hates me and I love it.
Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love you're just as blinded
Baby, please come back
It wasn't you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk
I told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time. There won't be no next time
I apologize even though I know its lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
Im'a tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
I'm a fucking moron. But then, I'd have to be, doing what I did. I don't know how, but in the last week and a half I've turned into a greedy, selfish bitch, and I don't like this side of myself. But that doesn't mean I like that side of you, either.
I get your "word" crap. You say I don't, but that's not true. Just because I refuse to believe it doesn't mean I don't understand the "bigger picture," and to say that is disrespectful.
Why are you so proud to be "cruel" and "vicious"? Do you enjoy hurting me or others? And none of that "those words only have what meaning you attach to them" bullshit. It's one thing not to give a shit about what other people think and other entirely to crush them.
I know you have a life of your own, and obligations. I get it. Respect it, even. I'm sure we both know we are just using each other, and I'm fine with that. You don't want anything more, and at this point, neither do I. Or maybe I do, who the hell knows? But what I'm NOT fine with is being disrespected. Maybe it's just your tired babbling, like you said. Or maybe it's not. I don't get why you are never like this when you are right here next to me, but you are over the Internet. What, does the Internet give you cojones or something? People say and do hurtful things to me all the time, but I am not easily hurt. But now, you don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do you? It's partly my fault, for letting it hurt. That knowledge makes it hurt worse. And so on, like a cycle, ad nauseum.
You say you're happy, and maybe you are, maybe you aren't. All I ever want to do is make you happy, but it's like that's impossible. It makes me sick that I sit here crying and listening to shitty music, wondering why I'm such a problem. Why does it make me sick? I won't admit that I love you, because that means admitting you have power over me, and I can't give you that. Further, such an admission would likely only complicate the problem and make it worse. Or maybe that's exactly the problem. I don't fucking know.
But it's not all these things that make me a fucking moron. There's bigger reasons. Like the fact that I still fucking want you. I must be a glutton for punishment. I feel like I'm wasting my energy, constantly seeking your approval, but feeling like I'm never getting it. I've long felt this way, but it's really intensified in only the last week and a half. It's so stupid. Why does sex have to complicate things? I hate it.
I was serious when I said it felt like you were avoiding me. Again, I am aware you have a life and actually do other things, but I couldn't help but feel EXTRA avoided. It's stupid.
You've ruined me for other men, cliche as that sounds. It's not fair. I feel like I won't ever care about anyone else in the same capacity. Also stupid. I don't want to get close to other men, or let them get close to me. It's all just a stupid back-and-forth game, and I don't want to play it. Even stupider, because I'm way too young to be this jaded. All I know is that right now, right this second, as upset and hurt as I am, all I want is to feel your hands on me, running through my hair, over my face, my hips, my legs, everything. That's the most stupid. I constantly think about it. I'm like a frigging GUY. I feel powerless to it, and clearly I don't like that.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight
High off of love, drunk from my hate,
It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me
She fucking hates me and I love it.
Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love you're just as blinded
Baby, please come back
It wasn't you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk
I told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time. There won't be no next time
I apologize even though I know its lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
Im'a tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
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