I am so frustrated I don't know what to do anymore. i'm so sick of finding myself with my head in my hands, crying. there is nothing I can do. I have tried my best. nobody wants to have any pride in themselves and their home around here, and I am tired of getting blasted for having that pride. I don't care if I have to do shit by myself - just give me the frickin OK and I will do it myself. but you won't give me the OK. I am telling you I want to move these boxes of junk, which having been sitting in the living room for the last year, into the garage, but you tell me no? wtf? i'm not even asking you to help me do it! why are you so dead-set on being so ghetto? i'm embarrassed to have people come over. I am not even 20 years old yet. i'm too young to be burned out. you people are so poisonous. at least spiders and snakes KNOW they're venomous; you people are all the worse because you refuse to recognize it in yourselves. and this butterfly is trapped in your web, slowly dying.

Wow. Has it really been 5 months since I've posted anything? Dang. Unfortunately, I really don't even have time at this moment to say anything even slightly worthwhile. Just that I can't believe it's finals time already...in a week and a half, I'll be off for a month of winter break, where I'm going to California for a bit, and then about a week in Alabama. yayy!

kind of pissed off.

so, my cousin Matthias went out last night with a bunch of his friends and came home this morning really, really drunk. he probably thought he would just skip school today, and he probably could have gotten away with it. except for one of his teachers saw him coming home completely trashed. so the cleaning lady ('Putzfrau') is here today, and she woke me up and gave me the phone and said that my aunt was one the line and needed to talk to me. so i take the phone, and my aunt tells me the story of what's going on, and asks me to wake Matthias up so she can talk to him, as the cleaning lady 'doesn't seem to understand what (she) asked of her.' well, i'll tell you right now, i'm sure she DID, but was smart and decided not to get involved with this shit. so i go into his room and lightly smack his arms and legs a few times. he is so completely out of it still, because he probably only got home an hour prior. he seems to out of it to take the phone from my hand, so i finally just tell barbara (my aunt) to start talking and i'll hold the phone to his ear. which i do. i don't know what exactly she said to him, but i'm sure it was something along the lines of 'get your ass up or else there's going to be hell to pay.' so they finish talking, and i take the phone back, and barbara asks me to use any means necessary to make sure he gets up and goes to school (it might be worth mentioning at this point that he's already failing his Latin class, and over here if you fail one subject you have to retake the entire year. his last chance is to pass an exam in the fall and he's already failed one year; he told me if he fails this year he's going to just go out and start working...). he hasn't made any move to get up, and the Putzfrau is hovering over me jabbering in German (she doesn't speak English) and i only understand maybe every 5th word, not enough to get a general picture of what she's saying. so i go downstairs, get a glass of water, and pour a little bit of it on him. immediately he says 'what the FUCK?' and then 'yeah yeah it's real funny' and he's totally pissed off at me. and i said 'i didn't do it because it was funny, i did it because your mom told me to get you up.' and he didn't get up. so i had to do it again. then he got pissed again, and said 'i'm not wearing anything so i can't get up even if i wanted to.' and i was like 'well how the hell am i supposed to know that? you didn't say anything, if you had said that the first time then we would have cleared out.' so me and the Putzfrau both left the room, and i retreated to the computer. he finally got up and got dressed and after he was done brushing his teeth i tried to apologize to him again, saying i didn't do it because i thought it was mean or funny, i did it because his mother told me to. and i more or less got ignored. i'm going to hope that was still the drunk talking, because i don't think i did anything wrong in all this. in fact, i sort of resent being put in this situation at all. he's not MY son, and i would have preferred to just let him sleep, but i really couldn't because the Putzfrau was hovering over me. so now he probably hates me. which is fabulous, since i have to spend 2 weeks with him in the apartment in vienna, where we'll be by ourselves. my aunt and uncle signed me up for a 2-week German class (which i'm excited to start on Monday), and he is going to a Latin tutor. i was really looking forward to this but now i'm kind of pissed off. why do people have to shoot the messenger? what makes people hate me? i'm not a mean person. i'm the freaking poster child for 'give til it hurts.' so why do so many people dislike me? oh, and i will add that it's only younger people that dislike me. older people (20s+) love me.

Come to the Dark Side - we have cookies

I is baking cookies today. and I am praying they turn out alright, because I had to convert everything listed in my recipe into metric units. So right now I'm mentally in the act of offering up a sacrifice to the Baking Gods.

I'm going to post it anyways, since I spent 6 hours composing it on paper first.

This isn't going to sound all poetic. When I write or say something it tends to come out like word vomit. It might sound blunt, puzzling, incoherent, probably hurtful...but this is just how it is. I don't know why, but somehow it is a little bit easier for me to to verbalize my thoughts than it is for me to immortalize them on paper...I think maybe it's the added pressure to sound poetic, profound, insightful, BECAUSE the words are preserved and not just vanishing into the ether. Anyways, I'll try to be coherent - if I haven't failed at that already.

I'm just going to start with some facts, just to lay things out: You are married, and you have a beautiful baby girl. You love your wife, as you should, and I don't begrudge either of you that, not at all, not even for an instant. I don't know what it is that draws you to me. I don't think it's something I'll ever understand. I don't doubt you when you say you love me, I just don't know/understand what your reasons are. Probably the same way you don't understand how people care for you. I haven't sat down and talked about this with both you and Rachel, but from what you have told me, not only would she be alright with a relationsip between you and me, she encourages it. At this point, I would like to say that although this view is admittedly unconventional, I don't think 'ill' of her, or think she is messed up, or anything like that, for having such a view. And I mean it when I say that; it's not something I'm saying just to be saying it or just to sound nice.

But here's where I get confused. I'm sure you recall the first time that you and I kissed, outside on my patio, sitting on the rail (can you believe that was almost 2 years ago already?). I had never even talked to Rachel before (not since 7th grade, at least, when we were in the same English class for about 3 days), but I remember you telling me something along the lines of her saying it was ok if you and I ever kissed, because she knew how much I meant to you, or something...Well, so it happened, right? And I remember that at first you said you probably weren't going to tell her that it happened, but you eventually did. And I guess (from what you told me, anyways) she said she was really hurt by it, and she didn't think she would be. So I guess what I am saying confuses me is how she is alright with the idea of us in a relationship, when before it was so hurtful when we had only kissed. I'm guessing you've probably said something about the night before I left, (it's fine if you did, I guess I'm just speculating out loud). So, knowing that, was it still ok? Were there really no hurt feelings?


Second thing is when I read your blog entry about Rachel choosing to do what she did with another man. You said you felt betrayed, because you didn't approve of him, and that you would have been fine with it if it had been with someone you approved of. That specific incident is between you and Rachel, and and is not something for me to pass judgement on. But, I can't help but think, 'what about me?' Like, if you and I were to ever have sex, do you think you'd be the only person I'll ever have sex with for the rest of my life? If I'm honest, I'll say that I don't. But maybe you hope that. I don't know, I don't want to be putting words in your mouth. Again, me and my out-loud speculation. So, would that mean I'd have to get your approval of every person that I might potentially sleep with? I've always said this, and you've always sort of denied it, but I still feel it - like I'm on some sort of pedestal when it comes to you. And it's not something I particularly like (whether or not it is true). Something else, since I'm sure it's crossed your mind a hundred times: Every guy has this fantasy, right? To be the girl's first, to be the one to take her virginity, to set the precedent, right? Well, what if I met somebody, and we hit it off, and he was the first? I don't care this time if I'm technically putting words in your mouth, or how much you might deny it, you'd be pretty upset at this. Probably hurt your image of me, or think it's a reflection of my esteem for you. But, if I'm being honest, I don't care if this upsets an image of me. Because like I said, I don't like feeling like I have a standard to live up to. And that it what I constantly feel like with you.

And I will be honest about something else, too. The night before I left - the more I kept thinking about it, the more upset I got. I kept saying no, that I didn't want to go any further right then (I believe my exact words were 'Respect the boundary'). I know I 'technically' consented, but again, when I thought and thought about it, I began to resent it, because I realized that I only allowed it because I felt pressured into it, like I owed you. What was I going to do? You hitch-hiked all the way over to my house to see me while I was upset. But I don't like that I feel like I compromised myself. I don't like feeling that way, so I won't be doing anything that makes me feel that way ever again. The more I thought about it (that's what I do, I overthink things), the more I realized that I felt disrespected. Taken advantage of, even. Especially when the next day or the day after I read your blog entry, and find out that you and Rachel were sort of on the outs. So, to put it bluntly, I felt kind of used.

You're probably thinking, why didn't I say anything at the time? It's mostly because I felt obligated. And then you wrote in your blog entry that, even though it wasn't my intent, I 'saved' you. And that I didn't say 'I love you,' but that I may as well have said it. I am a selfish person, and I don't want to save anyone. Because I am only 19 years old, and I have the rest of my life to be shouldering responsibilites that I don't want, or can't really handle. I can't be under the added pressure of bringing you back up every time you're down, not in that capacity.

And I know something for sure now. I love you, but not in the same way you love me. It is a deep affection, and I am sure it will always be there until the end of days. But the thing with me is, I'm kind of messed up, or damaged, or broken or something. I feel like I can detatch love and sex from each other, yet at the same time still be a hopeless romantic. By this I mean that I could probably have sex with someone without being in love with them first, for the physical gratification, but my heart wouldn't be in it (so to speak), and I'll still crave that emotional gratification. And that's not a fair thing to do to someone, when they're expecting you to be emotionally available, that you're heart is on the same page, and it's just not. So I won't tell you that you can't love me, and I'll always care for you, but I can't do it in the way you want me to.

Do you know what my number-one goal in life is? This isn't even something I can tell my mother, because I'm embarassed to tell it to her, or anyone else even, for that matter. It's not something insipid like 'become fluent in Japanese,' or 'go to Japan,' or anything like that. Do you want to know what it is? I want to meet the one person who renders me completely and utterly unable to breathe. I want to meet the person who makes my heart squeeze to the point of pain just by seeing him. I want the butterflies in my stomach, the rapid pulse, the inability to think properly when I'm around him. I want to be in love, and I despair that it will ever happen to me. Not because I think I am unlovable, but because I think I am incapable of that kind of love. It frustrates me to no end to see everybody around me feling this way, like part of some exclusive club. I see Leanna, so giddy in love with Pierce she's pretty much thrown her life away, and I don't understand it at all. But I want to. I want to be able to understand it, and I don't think there's anything in the world that I want more.

If you remember, the night before I left, when we were messing around, I commented a few times on how your heart was beating so fast. The reason I kept saying it was because mine just wasn't. The whole time, I couldn't help but think and overthink and think again and wonder why I just wasn't more into it, why I couldn't 'let go' like you're supposed to at times like that. Probably because deep down I already knew that I'm not meant for this picture.

I think the concept of 'soul mates' is often a misleading one. I think a person has several soul mates throughout their lifetime, and that their purpose is to teach the other something new about themselves, to help them grow and mature as a person. I think you and I were that for each other. But, I also think that, while I don't believe in a God, I think there is some sort of cosmic, balancing natural force of nature, and thinks end up the way they do for a reason. I think you are already with the person life destined you to be with. Together, you have created a beautiful, adorable daughter, and you are a loving family - something I don't think you've ever really had.

Cherish that. I want that for myself too, someday. I know I'll want somebody I could see myself having kids with. I don't expect this out of every man I enter a relationship with, but I know that one day it'll be a deal-breaker. I want a man with whom I can 'let go' and not always overthink things. I want to find somebody and not have to share them with anybody else. Odd as it sounds, I want to love somebody in such a way that I'm jealous of any time they spend with anyone other than me. I want to finally experience that jealousy, and understand it. I want to meet the person whose company I constantly crave, like a drug. Maybe I've read too many trashy romance novels, or something. But it's still something I want, and, selfishly, I'd rather end up alone at the end of my life than feel like I settled at the beginning of it.

All of this is probably really hurtful - or maybe I'm only flattering myself - but I can't force myself to be anything less than honest. As much as you want me to, I just can't do this. For all the reasons I've already stated, and for many more I can't think of a way to express. I won't apologize for feeling the way I do, or for not being what you want me to be. But I am sorry if I have hurt your feelings in the process. It wasn't what I wanted. I will always care for you, and will always want to be your friend, but that is the most I can be, and it's not right to anybody to pretend otherwise.

Don't read this and spiral into depression. Because no matter how clichéd 'It's not you, it's me,' sounds, it is the blunt, honest truth. You are already married to the person you are meant to be with. Now, I'm just waiting for mine. I might meet him tomorrow. I might meet him the day that I die. The only certainty is that, intentional or not, you have helped me as a person, and for that, I am always grateful. And I've run out of things to say at this point, other than I will always wish for the health and happiness of you and Rachel and Mara. I know I'll still need you in my life. I just hope we can be that, at least - two people with a deep friendship and respect for each other. Because, even if I never find what I'm looking for, I can never say that my life was empty, that it never had any meaning.

The Hard Way

Alright David, here you are :D

So, the first Saturday that I was here (which was like 2 days after I got here) I went out drinking with my cousin Alex, my cousin Domenica aka Niki, and her boyfriend Jürgen (man I hope I spelled that right...). Now, where my aunt and uncle live is a relatively small village called Horn, which is about an hour away from Vienna. The drinking age here (here as in Austria, not just the village) is 16, so obviously I meet that requirement. We went to a pub whose name I can't even remember, but it was small and really nice, and pretty busy with the youth of the village - 'youth' meaning anybody 30 and under, lol. we sat down at a table in the corner where it was completely unoccupied, and I basically told Alex to order me things he thought were good, since I don't get to drink that often and didn't really know too much about what I liked and what I didn't. So we all started off with a beer. And, for about €2 - abzóut $3 - you get twice the amount of beer you'd get at an American bar, and it tastes waaaaaayy better, too. Then Alex got us something called a 'Ferrari,' which is red bull and something else, some kind of liquor, I don't remember, but it tasted sweet. It was really good. Then I think I had another beer, and then another Ferrari. Now, I don't normally get to drink a whole lot, but a few times Leanna has had friends over and I drink A LOT, of al different kinds of things, and I don't get sick (i.e., no puking, no 'spins,' no hangover the next day). Then I asked Alex to order me something stronger, so he ordered me what if I recall was a vanilla-flavored rum & coke. I think I had 2 of those before I asked for something stronger, and he and I each had a shot of marillen (Austrian German word for apricots - German German is apricosen) schnapps, and then I think I had one more rum and coke. After that the pub was closing, but keep in mind it was about 330 am by this time. so we paid our tab and then moved on to the next pub which was right on down the block. Oh! I forgot to mention, while we were at the first pub I met a lot of Niki and Alex's friends who were all out drinking as well. I met Niki's best friend Tini, nickname for Cristine, I think, and Tini's boyfriend Reinhard, and they're both really cool. Tini is super nice and is ALWAYS smiling, I remember thinking 'I wish I could be that way...' lol. and Reinhard is really funny, I don't remember a whole lot of what we talked about, but I know we talked a lot, lol. At one point we were singing Bloodhound Gang songs together (!!), haha. My German got progressively better the more I drank, and while I thought everybody's English was excellent, they told me it was the same for them as well, that their English got better the drunker they got. Everybody tried teaching some new words in German. Not anything *useful* but it was still a lot of fun. I have those words written down on a piece of paper somewhere, lol. (On a side note, Niki and Alex speak more or less perfect English, but a lot of that probably comes from the fact that their mother is sort of a native speaker. Alex even speaks English with an American accent! I nearly shit a brick when I heard him.) Okay, so we went to the next pub. Niki and Jürgen left about a half hour later (at 4 am) but I wanted to stay, which meant Alex had to stay with me. There I met Tini's brother Georg (I think that's how it's spelled, it's basically the German name for George, pronounced 'gay-org,' but kind of mashed into one syllable). Of course, he was also nice. I remember looking outside the pub windows and it was getting light out! I was like, WTF?? So Alex and I left shortly after that, it was about 530 am at this point, and it sure as hell didn't feel as if we were at that pub for 2 whole hours (oh, while I was there, I had another beer, another rum and coke, and I finished Niki's beer). We all went outside the pub prepared to go our separate ways and go home, and I called everybody together for a group hug, since it was the funnest night I could ever remember having. so Alex and I walked back home, and we went upstairs to go to sleep. Well, pretty much as soon as I lay down and closed my eyes, I started to get dizzy. So I went into the bathroom and waited to see if I was going to throw up, since I didn't feel so good. Not surprisingly, I did, but not a whole lot, and when there was a break in the flow (for lack of a better phrase, lol) I went to my room to get my blanket so I could sleep on the bathroom floor in case I suddenly had to puke again. I remember that at one point I fell asleep with my face against the toilet seat, haha. but then I snuggled into my comforter and passed out. Then the next morning (probably just a couple of hours later) I woke up when my uncle came into the bathroom when he woke up. I guess he was a little confused at first, but apparently I said something to him like 'I think I'll be a little more careful next time.' I later heard from Niki that he thought it was kind of funny. Heck, even I thought it was funny. So I slept for a few more hours, then got up in time for lunch. I actually didn't have a hangover at all, but I was really, really tired, so after lunch I went back to sleep for a few more hours. And actually, for about 3 days after that, the left side of my face and my bottom lip were numb, which I'm sure was from falling asleep with my face on the toilet seat - unconscious bodies are heavier for some reason, and I probably rested right on a nerve in my face. In any case, It's back to normal.

...So, that is my story. Gonna do it all again when Alex comes back from Vienna when he's got time off from work in a couple of weeks. :)

Some Observations

some observations - of my short time in Austria so far:

1. Austrian beer tastes better than American beer. And it is wayyyyy stronger (found this out the hard way).
2. Everybody is really, really, really nice.
3. EVERYBODY SMOKES!!
4. They all say that their English is not so good, when in fact it is pretty damn good.
5. They like when I try to talk in German, or at least are nice when I make a mistake, and they like to teach me new German words.
6. For the most part, all the guys here are more attractive than American guys.
7. People greet each other with a kiss on both cheeks :)
8. They are really fun to hang out with.

This is what I have noticed in 4 days.

Umm...Minus 2 Days!

so i've been here since yesterday evening (for me, it was 5 pm when i got here so that means it was about 8 am AZ time). i got from phoenix to chicago alright, and once i got there i realized again just why i hate O'Hare airport. had to wait in line for almost an hour to get my passport checked in order to enter terminal 5 (the international terminal) and then i had to pass through security AGAIN. at least my gate was right there, right? well, i went to the gate that was printed out on my boarding pass, and sat there and waited, but after a little bit my sixth sense told me something was up. so i went and checked a monitor and found out that my flight had been moved to one gate over. not so bad, i still had plenty of time to walk a few meters over. easy enough. so then they start boarding, and they're checking passports and boarding passes again. so i go to have them check mine, and i'm told that because this is a LOT Polish flight and my boarding pass was issued through United, that i have to check in at the gate desk. which made me kind of pissed because in phoenix when they gave me all 3 of my boarding passes they told me i wouldn't have to check in at any of the gates. anyways, after i did that, i was able to get on the plane, which was a 9.5 hour flight to Warsaw, Poland. it was one of those 3-row type setups (there's two aisles because there are seats placed on either side of the plane along by the windows as well as a set of seats right in the middle. you know?) i ended up in an aisle seat right next to some older lady who wouldn't stop yakking my ear off. apparently she is from san francisco and was taking a trip to Ukraine for some sort of river tour. 90% of the passengers on this plane were Polish, haha. they showed some sort of Polish cartoon, they showed an E! documentary, they showed some music videos, they showed Sherlock Holmes, and they showed Night At the Museum (pt. I). since the plane left a half an hour late i realized that when i got to Warsaw i was going to have to really hurry to my gate, which sucked because i had less than 20 minutes to make it, and i didn't even know which gate it was at because it hadn't been printed on my boarding pass. Luckily, as soon as i exited the gate there were monitors and i was able to quickly identify which gate my connection was at. i had to pass through immigration (poland wasn't my final destination, but since it is also an EU country, they stamped it there, so i didn't have to have anyone look at it in Austria). and after that i had to pass through security - again - but luckily this time it only took about 30 seconds. another 60 seconds later and i was at my gate, which was good timing because they had already started boarding; i was one of the last people to get on. if the flight from chicago had been another 15 minutes late, then i definitely would not have made it. this flight from Warsaw to Vienna was only about 2/3 full and only took 55 minutes, much less time than i had anticipated. we finally land in Vienna and from there i find my way to baggage claim. lo and behold, my bag is not among the rest. After waiting to see if maybe my bag would pop out at the last minute (i waited long enough for a new flight's bags to start appearing from the same carousel), i conceded that i would have to notify the lost and found - what i figured was that since i only had 20 minutes to make my connection, it was highly unlikely that my bag also made it, but would probably make the next flight out from Warsaw. i went into the lost and found office and talked to a really nice lady who had me fill out a customs form and asked me to describe the bag and give her an address to which it could be delivered once it came in (which i did). then she printed out a confirmation page for me, and i was good to go. i exited the baggage claim area to head outside to start looking for my aunt, and they actually spotted me first, haha. my aunt Barbara was there along with my cousins Alex and Mathew. Alex is 25, almost 26 and his english is really, really good - he is a native German speaker and when he speaks English i don't hear an accent, he sounds just like an American. there a few words that come out British-sounding but he says this is due to conversing with one of his British friends.

i planned to write more, but it's 230 am here and i should get to sleep. Tschüss :)

8 days!

Tomorrow is my last final (Japanese) and I'm going to totally breeze through it. After my final is over in the afternoon, I'm going to finish moving my stuff out of my dorm, and then Wednesday afternoon I'll officially check out. I can't believe my first year in college is already over. Seriously, no matter how "eh" or nonchalant I come off, I'm quite floored. I feel like the second semester passed by even faster than the first. Soon it will be August again, and time to start classes again. If I haven't done it already, I'll post my tentative class schedule sometime in the next few days. In the meantime, I'm getting ready for my vacation - man, I'm so excited! I called the bank today to have some Euros ordered, they said they'll have 'em by Thursday and I can pick 'em up then. My aunt told me to only change USD$200 worth, and that if it turns out I need more, then she'll buy them off me. ...I'm sure I'm going to need more, but she's being really, really nice because she's already expecting to buy me pretty much anything. Of course, I'm not going to take advantage of her like that, but it's still nice. I've been requested to bring over a few things, like Cheetos, Kraft macaroni and cheese, Kool-Aid, and fajita mix...lol. What was really funny was when I was talking to my aunt about which types of Kool-Aid she wanted me to bring (because as you know there are a ton of flavors). She said "Oh, I don't know...anything, I guess. Except grape. Well, maybe a grape, just to remind me of how much I hate it." hahahaha. And then when I was talking to one of my cousins via Facebook, I mentioned that his mother wanted Kool-Aid, and he said "Yup, mom can't go long without her Kool-Aid." To me, there's just something about the mental image of a 50-year-old Austrian lady going nuts over Kool-Aid that I find totally hilarious. :)

Anyways, I leave next Wednesday, and my cell phone won't work over there. So I won't be able to respond to text messages/phone calls (obviously), but I will still have regular (I'm assuming) access to a computer and the Internet, so should still be able to frequent Facebook, Blogger, e-mail, all that jazz. So, just a heads-up.

8 days! Yesss!!~~

The best shirt to ever emerge from Japan (possibly)

Oh, those crazy Japanese are at it again:

Justin Bieber makes me cry, too.

This is a few months old, and you may have seen it already, but I just saw it in its entirety for the first time not too long ago. Fucking hilarious. I can't embed it, but here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTCm8tdHkfI

If everything goes right, I'm hoping to do a parody of it with my friend...currently trying to write a script of sorts. :D

:D

Alrighty, so I'm gonna put off finishing up my English paper for just a few minutes cause I feel like writing a blog entry real quick. Oh, just in case you're wondering, my English assignment is to take one of the plays we've read in class this semester (it's a Shakespeare class) and describe, in 5-6 pages, how we would adapt it into a different genre. So I'm taking Othello and placing it into the context of Feudal Japan. It's supposed to be double spaced, but I think I'm going to see if I can get away with 2.5 space...Do you think the teacher will notice? Hmm.

The other thing I wanted to mention was the success of the meal I cooked earlier tonight, haha. I decided I wanted to try cooking something Korean, so I found a recipe online for something called "bulgogi" (lit. "fire meat"). you take soy sauce, sugar, white onions, green onions, pepper, sesame oil, and garlic, and mix them together in a bowl. then, you take thinly sliced strips of beef sirloin and put them into the bowl, and marinate it in the fridge for several hours. then, you put some sesame oil in a frying pan and fry it up. then, you take a piece of red leaf lettuce, put some meat in it, along with some "ssam jang" (which is soybean paste, red chili paste, garlic, green onions, red chilis for added spice, and a little sesame oil all mixed together) dabbed on top of it, then you fold the leaf together all nice and then stuff it in your mouth. And it's freaking DELICIOUS. My mom had some, and I could tell that she was surprised by how good it was. She kept coming back for seconds and thirds, lol. She told me she didn't think that putting meat like that together with lettuce would taste so good, but it did. I told her that I thought if it was regular lettuce, then it probably wouldn't have, since most lettuce is very watery, but the read leaf lettuce isn't watery like most lettuce is. Anyways, I just wanted to brag about how happy I am that it turned out to tasty. I've got a lot of leftover meat and lettuce, so I'm going to make some more ssam jang tomorrow and eat it for lunch. :D

OK, I'm gonna get back to my paper now. I have less than a page to go (going by 2.5 spacing, anyways, haha)! Wish me luck on it, maybe I'll actually get to sleep for an hour or two ^_^;


EDIT: Nope. No sleep :'(

I don't really have anything interesting to say.

I just thought I'd announce it.

...Actually, I do have a funny story to tell. In Japanese class, we're starting a new chapter, on "shopping." Today was the first day we started it, and Sensei was showing us a bunch of pictures of different stores, so we could learn the names of the stores in Japanese. Well, he got the the picture of the kusuri-ya (drugstore/pharmacy), and I thought to myself that it would be really funny if, upon closer inspection of the photo, you could see condoms in it. 2 seconds later, Sensei flips the photo around to look at it, and says "Wow...in all my years of teaching this, I've never noticed THIS before...Everybody look closely, what does this say?" Sticking out from one of the shelves was a sign that said, in Katakana (Engrish, if you will) "kondaamu." If there was any doubt that I was psychically gifted before, there sure as heck isn't now! hurr hurr! >_<

And that, everyone, was the highlight of my day.

Little Kitten(s) Lost

So, last Thursday, we let Mama Cat and Boyo outside. Not a big deal; all the cats go outside at some point or another (except for Bear, unless he is under supervision), and then come back in. Mama Cat spends 75% of her time outside, because she doesn't really like being around the other cats, never mind that she's the one that frickin' spawned them, and Boyo gets really annoying and cries and scratches at the door unless you let him out. But they always come back after a couple of hours.

Well, they haven't come back. Which is weird - really, really weird. Because about 2 months ago we let Napoleon out because he doesn't like the other cats either, and he never came back. We were sad, but chalked it up to him being an ungrateful little bastard and moved on. Now, we have 2 cats that went missing at the same time. I highly doubt that both of them got hit by cars. It's possible that someone decided to take them in, because they are both very friendly towards people, but if that's the case, the people who did were really really mean because the cats had collars on - clearly they were already marked as being owned - although they didn't have tags, because we've never had to worry. So now I'm starting to wonder if there is someone in the neighborhood that is poisoning cats. I really don't know. But I'm really sad that they are gone. I hope they come back. Boyo lets me use him as a pillow when I go to sleep. :(

Anyways, so today when I was talking to my mom (I originally called to let her know my final exam schedule) she mentioned that she and Leanna had been to the animal shelter to see if they had been brought in. If they were, they weren't there; it would have been too soon for them to be euthanized so if they did pass through then they might have been adopted out since they are both cute and friendly. Or they might not have been brought in at all. So, all of a sudden, my mom says "Do you want to talk to Leanna?" and I, not really having anything to say to Leanna (not out of meanness, I just didn't have anything I needed to talk to her about, you know?) say "umm no not really..." but my mom just said "ok here let me get Leanna on...Leanna! pick up the other phone!..." and meanwhile I'm just sitting in my chair like wtf? Ok, something is definitely going on...Leanna tells me how they're at the shelter looking for Mama and Boyo but they weren't there...blah blah blah...so then I ask, "Leanna, did you guys adopt a cat from the shelter or something?"

Dead silence on the phone, from both my mom (who was still on the line from the phone in her room) and Leanna (using the phone in the kitchen). The short answer is: yes.

Apparently, the cat is about 8 months old and was brought in as a stray. Leanna says it has longish hair. I immediately asked if it was a calico cat, since Leanna had always been saying how much she's wanted a calico cat, but she said no it wasn't calico, it's something called "tortoiseshell," which basically means that it's black with spatters of orange in it, and sometimes a little bit of white but the white isn't required to be considered tortoiseshell. They said they will pick her up from the shelter on Thursday because they will spey her first. Leanna said the cat's name is "Zin" but we all agreed that needs to be changed. Any ideas, anyone? I sort of like "Zia," but maybe that's just me...(I looked it up, and apparently it's Arabic for "light." Kind of cool, no?) I haven't seen what the cat actually looks like myself, though. Leanna's tried sending me a picture but for some reason it just won't come through on my end... :( Anyways, help me brainstorm some names!

Today reminded me

of just why I decided not to become a doctor after all. All they care about is flushing you out as fast as possible.

Shiiiiiit.

So, I've been on my antibiotics for nearly 2 weeks now. Things seemed to be going okay, the rashy things were all gone, but I was finishing the pills as is required. Suddenly, they've reappeared - some on my leg, some on my forearm, and I think a couple under my chin (I know it's superficial, but I don't want them on my face!!). I called my mom to tell her about the sudden resurgence, and she's going to call the doctor early tomorrow morning to try and get me in tomorrow. But what sucks about this doctor's office is, we've been going there for 15 years, and every time we make an appointment they can never seem to get us in when we need to (which is right away). So basically I'm freaking out that they can't get me in for another week, while in the meantime my condition worsens. I'm freaking out that at this point, I'm going to end up in the hospital with IV-drip antibiotics. Which means I'd miss school (which wouldn't be so bad, except for Japanese). I'm freaking out that it's going to ruin my trip plans, now less than 2 months away. I'm freaking out that I'm freaking out. Literally, I was fine, until 2 hours ago. Fucking BLOWS, man.

On a side note, Frank (Jared, Rachel, you know Frank, but David, you probably don't) and I don't talk anymore, because he's a drunkie asswipe. I plan to do a whole post about it, but I'm too lazy right now. So probably tomorrow. I'm gonna go watch Spartacus instead.

Fucking BLOWS.

I just thought I'd announce

that I just shaved my legs and they feel awesome. Now I just need to find a cat to rub up against them :3

Tanuki!

So, right now I'm obsessed with Tanuki - Japanese raccoon dogs. It should be noted that although a lot of people translate "Tankuki" as "raccoon," they are NOT AT ALL the same thing. Physically, a Tanuki looks like a cross between a raccoon and a badger...and some people overseas even keep them as pets!


Uwaaaaaaa! Tanuki ga hoshii~~ (^_^)

Tanuki are very prominent in Japanese folklore, as are Kitsune ("fox"). Now, Kitsune are said to be clever, cunning tricksters, capable of shapeshifting in order to take advantage of humans. Tanuki are said to be capable of the same thing; however, since they are lazy and lack the cunning that Kitsune have, their pranks are less malevolent and much more mischievous in nature. It is said that in order to shapeshift, a Tanuki requires a leaf - this is why, in Super Mario 3, one of the items is a leaf...and it doesn't transform you into a raccoon, it is actually a tanuki! Tanuki are also reputed to transform the leaves themselves into money and then, in human forms, buy things from the real humans with the transformed money...which will eventually turn back into leaves. All throughout Japan there are statues of tanuki, especially since they are popular lawn decorations. However, if you look at one of these statues, you will more than likely notice the prominent....err, testicles.





Do your ears hang low / Do they wobble to and fro?...


I'm sure you're thinking, "What the fuck?" ...Yeah. I was, too. Apparently, they used to use Tanuki skins in metalwork, for the purpose of thinning gold (in Japanese, "gold" is "kin"). Somehow, they came to be associated with the word "kintama," which literally means "gold ball," but in modern Japanese slang now means "balls." And now I've taught you a dirty Japanese word.

Tanuki are also popular subjects in other forms of artistic expression, not just sculpture, as evidenced by this ukiyo-e woodblock print by Tsukioka Yoshitoshi:


If looks balls could kill...

There's even a song that Japanese kids sing about Tanuki testicles:

Tan-Tan-Tanuki no kintama wa
Kaze mo nai no ni
Bura bura

Translation:

Tan-Tan-Tanuki's balls
even when there isn't any wind
Go "swing-swing"

...Bizarre, much? o_0

You know, I would be willing to pass this all off as normal, but then Japan had to come up with this gem of a commercial. Try and guess what in the hell it's an advert for:




Stumped? Not surprising. I didn't know what in the hell it was selling either. Then I did some research, and it turns out that Anabuki is a Japanese construction/real estate agency. Now, how in the hell does that have anything to do with forest animals suddenly growing/fondling their breasts and a random Tanuki encounter? Fuck if I know. I'd actually like to ask my Sensei if he'll translate the lyrics for me.

I think I'll end this post with one final ukiyo-e print:


Forget Rekishi's stinkface - It's all about humiliation by Tanuki balls.

Results of my English midterm!

I got an A on it! (a 90, but that's still an A!) on the other hand, I think I may have failed a test in my Buried Cities and Lost Tribes class...seriously. I'm not joking, I think I failed it. :( I've never failed a test in my life...I'm just so pissed that the test was on stuff that we didn't really go over. But oh well, I'm not gonna spend too long feeling crappy about it, I learned the hard way that that's how you get ulcers. On the plus side, I've been taking the antibiotics for about a day and a half now, and the itchy bumps definitely seem to be going away...I'm just going to hope that they continue to do so.

I was talking to my cousin Alex (who lives in Vienna) on Facebook, and we were talking about things to do while I was there. Since he's a native Austrian, I asked him what suggested. One of the things he said was taking a trip to Bratislava (capital of Slovakia)! He said that a couple of years ago they started offering a boat service that traveled up the Danube and got you to Bratislava within an hour...that's so awesome! Now, I don't really know if there's anything to do in Slovakia, but hell, it's an opportunity to see more of Europe and its culture...I can hardly wait! Now I just need to save up money... ^_^;

Doctor.

So lately (last week, mostly) I've been getting these bumps on my arms and lower back that look like (and itch like) mosquito bites, only they're not. I was freaking out that maybe I had scabies or something - ewww - so today I went to the doctor to get it checked out. Her diagnosis? I have a freaking staph infection!! So now I'm on horse-pill antibiotics for the next fortnight. Nice way to spend spring break :(

Moozick

Did anyone notice I put a music player on the page? Only got one song on it, but I'm not sure if it's only showing up my end. It's one of my favorite songs :)

Also, minor computer update: my mother managed to get ahold of the guy who sold me my laptop, essentially he said he'll work with me (whatever that means; I wasn't the one who talked with him, it was my mother, so I couldn't tell you), so this may mean more money in my pocket sometime soon...since I, of course, am first going to ask for a refund. Hopefully he'll agree to that.

...Here's to hoping?

I found an interesting site.

It's called postmormon.org, and on it you can read people's exit stories as well as post your own. I believe there is a forum of some sorts on it as well. You all might find this very interesting, so I decided to share it. Maybe you've already heard of it, who knows. Interesting nonetheless.

Today, while watching my favorite smutty gay anime...

...I was also downloading some music. They lied to me when they said your internet connection would disappear as soon as your computer connected to a P2P program. :(

As I promised, my itinerary for my trip!

I meant to post this later on Friday, but my desktop went blooie....AGAIN. So now Kyle's stepdad was kind enough to lend me a desktop unit; he's going to look at my desktop unit this weekend when we all do our usual DnD. From what I described to him, he says he thinks it might be a hardware issue...great. Oh, he also looked at my laptop - and the motherboard is fried. Literally cooked. Like, there's scorch marks on it and everything. So now I have to get in contact with the guy and see if he'll give me my money back. If he at least gives me $250 of the 300 I paid for it, I will be more than happy. But we'll see. If it turns out he doesn't want to answer my phone calls, then I guess I will just have to show up on his doorstep, huh?? I KNOW WHERE HE LIVES!! lol.

Anyways, enough of my computer update, here is my travel itinerary:


First, there...






...then back...






I hope the images are large enough to read; if they're not then I really don't know how to re-size them.

I've never traveled out of the country before, let alone overseas, so I've never gone through customs before or ever had to have a passport checked, etc. David, I know you've been through this before several times, would you mind giving me a run-through of a hypothetical airport scenario of what it's like to do all this? I'd really appreciate it, since that's the only part of the trip I'm apprehensive about (I don't want to look like a fool, yo). Thank you :)

Just a tiny, microscopic update because I don't have much time!

I bought my ticket last night! I'm going from the 19th of May to the 3rd of August, Phoenix -> Chicago -> Warsaw -> Vienna. I'm so thrilled, yo! I'll post my entire itinerary later when I've actually got time; I really should already be on my way to my midterm for my Shakespeare class - wish me luck! ^__^

Registering for Fall!

I registered for fall semester yesterday. So, I figured I might just take a few minutes to say what classes I signed up for (not that anyone really cares):

Japanese 201
Korean 101
Astronomy 111 / 113 (Lab)
SLC 201 (something about an introduction to cultural and literacy theory)

As you can see there's not a whole lot special about it, but I'm excited about the Korean since grammatically, it is exactly like Japanese, and I taught myself Hangeul just a few weeks ago ^__^
I'm sort of excited about the astronomy class too; I need to take a lab science in order to fulfill my Quantitative Science gen ed requirement, so I figure I'll take the least boring one. The Lab is on Tuesday nights from 730 to 10 (!) which sort of sucks but I guess since it IS after all an astronomy class that would make sense. In all, I'm signed up for 17 credit hours (which is fine with me). Though, I'm glad that I will have had a nice vacation in Vienna :)

Speaking of which, I wired my dad some money last night so he could go ahead and book me a ticket (since my bank will only let me charge things $300 or less, and the ticket is about $1100). My dad is actually being cool and paying for a good chunk of the ticket, even though I already have all the money. And he said he'd help me out with spending money for the summer if it turns out I'm a little short by then. I'm not really sure what to think; he said that when I get back that he's going to fly out here to visit for a week. I'm worried that he's just using it as an excuse to drink, since we can't really monitor him the way his mother and brother do. He denies it of course, but I still don't know what think because that's what he's done every other time he's come out here since he moved to Minnesota 6 years ago. Actually, when he was out here last May for my graduation, he hadn't even been in the state 5 hours when I caught him coming back from the check cashing place on the corner with a half-empty bottle of booze in hand. I love my dad but he makes it impossible to trust him. Does this make me mean?

Whatever, I'll deal with what happens when it happens, it's not even for another 6 months. I've been looking at fares on the LOT Polish website as their fares are the cheapest, and I've been looking up what kinds of airplanes I'd be taking....one of them is one of those epic triple-row planes!! Right now it's looking like I'd be going from Phoenix to Chicago, an 8-hour layover in Chicago (which sucks but there's nothing I can do about it) , then from Chicago to either Krakow or Warsaw, and then from there to Vienna :) I'm excited, yo!

Bee Gees!

I'm listening to the Bee Gees right now. I haven't listened to them in forever. They are awesome.

I'm also watching Bleach. I'm so far behind still it isn't even funny. Episode 135 out of like 270... ^_^;

I've been thinking a lot a lot about what classes I'm going to take next semester. I'm not entirely positive yet, but I know I'll be taking at least Japanese 201. I'm also thinking about starting Korean in the fall (since I have to take a year of either Korean or Chinese) but doing so may require me to take a class over the summer through Rio Salado. Which I don't mind doing, but I don't know If I'll have the money for it. Sigh. Always about money.

...You know, I meant for this to be longer, but right now the tired is just getting to me. I'm gonna go crash. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

It has to be done.

I'm gonna start with cool news first. That English paper that I put off for 3 whole weeks and instead stayed up all night to do? I got a B+ on it! Alright! Hahaha to all you suckaz who spent the entire 3 weeks on it, because I'm awesome because I can bullshit an entire paper in 6 hours and still do awesome on it. wO0t!

On the less-awesome note:

I'm going to drop my German class.
It makes me really sad, but more than anything it makes me really pissed. I've spent time, money, and effort on this class and I'm not learning a damn thing. I'm gonna try to get my money back for the books and stuff, but it's probably too late. Fucking sucks. But oh well, I guess.

Tegami Results.

Sensei said I had one of the more interesting letter contents. Score! Although, he did say I wasn't the only one to talk about buying a dragon...Huh? Apparently dragons are a popular product. But I haven't seen any in stores. Must be on the black market.

Just thought I would add

that for the last 20 seconds, Bear has been standing on my shoulders. He just jumped up there, and now is is just perfectly still as I type. I effing love that cat.

Tegami (Letter).

For my latest Japanese assignment, we have been given the task of writing a letter to Sensei - but addressed to his former address in Japan, so we are writing to his past self. The actual point of the activity is to get used to writing a formal Japanese-style letter. He said all we have to talk about is something interesting that we did; it doesn't have to be real, it can be made up, as long as it's not boring. I've decided it might be fun to post my letter here. Anything in bold is the romanized Japanese, beneath it is the English translation.

On the front of the envelope:

Buraddorii Uiruson sama
(Bradley Wilson-sama)

Kagoshima-ken, Satsuma-gun, Miyanojou-chou: 941-1
(Kagoshima prefecture, Satsuma district, Miyanojou town: #941-1)

The letter itself:

Haikei
(Just something you say when you begin a formal letter. Not too sure what it means, exactly)

Uiruson sensei, o-genki desu ka.
(Wilson-sensei, how are you?)

Watashi wa genki desu.
(I'm doing fine.)

Kochira wa suzushii desu.
(Here it's cool.)

Kagoshima wa dou desu ka.
(How is Kagoshima?)

Sate,
(Well, then, ["down to business, then"])

Watashi wa tsuki e itta.
(I went to the moon.)

Samukatta, totemo sabishikatta desu.
(It was cold, and very lonely.)

Dakara taiyou e itta.
(So, I went to the sun.)

Demo, taiyou wa atsukatta desu.
(But, the sun was hot).

Ie ni kaerimashita.
(I returned home).

Sono ato, tatsu o katta.
(After that, I bought a dragon.)

Watashi no tatsu no namae wa Yujiin desu.
(My dragon's name is Eugene).

Yujiin no suki na tabemono wa chiisai inu desu.
(Eugene's favorite food is small dogs.)

Issho ni, tenisu o shita.
(Together, we played tennis.)

Yujiin wa totemo sugokatta desu.
(Eugene was amazing.)

Bangohan no ato, issho ni sentaku o shita.
(After dinner, we did the laundry together.)

Watashi wa shukudai o shite, Yujiin wa shinakatta desu.
(I did homework, but Eugene didn't.)

Tatsu wa kakemasen desu.
(Dragons can't write.)

Saa, watashi wa shiranakatta.
(Well, I didn't know.)

O-karada ni ki o tsukete kudasai.
(Please take care of yourself.)

Keiji
(Something you say at the end of a formal Japanese letter. Again, don't know exactly what it means.)

(Then comes the date [in kanji], then my name [in katakana], and then the recipient's name [which happens to also be in katakana, since it's foreign] + sama attached at the end.)



Well, I hope you all are enlightened. I sure as hell am. I learned a shit ton more kanji through this assignment. Of course, the question is, will it stick? We shall have to see.

FF X sucks.

...because I can't effing stop playing it. I put off an important English paper all weekend because of it. Damn you, Chocobos! Why must you play such an awesome jam when I ride you??

For the Record:

I think being hypocritical is the worst quality that any person can have. If you can't keep your promises, then don't bother making them. I can't stand it. It fucking makes my blood boil. Actions don't speak louder than words. They can't. They work in tandem to establish the worth of your soul. And when you sever your covenants, that worth isn't very much. Not very much at all.


EDIT: this isn't about anyone who reads this blog. it's about someone else completely that i'm uber pissed off at (and not without good reason). so worry not.

My Schedule!

I'm bored. So, I thought I'd post my schedule for this semester. You know, because everyone cares about the details of my life.

MWF 940 - 1030 -- ENG 321 Shakespeare
This class is kind of already proving to be a bitch. Not because Shakespeare is difficult to understand, because he's not - but because there is so much goddamn reading. I'm behind already. But maybe that's not so much the amount of reading assigned as it is I keep goofing off.
The teacher seems pretty cool, and he's definitely passionate and knowledgeable about his subject. Although, I'm still trying to decide on whether or not he's gay. Not like it really matters, but when a woman's Gaydar can't make up its mind within 0.08 seconds, it intrigues us.
The Friday class is a bit of a departure from the MW 100-person lectures; it's a discussion group of 30 led by some doctoral candidate in Renaissance literature. She's nice though, also really knowledgeable, which is always a bonus. That, and she's funny. She likes to point out Shakespeare's dirty jokes/puns on sex. o_0
...There are quite a lot of them.

MWF 1150 - 1240 -- GER 101
Yes. I am taking German. My face will no longer burn with shame when my relatives all talk German around me. I will instead be able to contribute to the harsh-sounding grunts. :)
My German teacher is pretty young, he has to be somewhere in his 20s (but then, what the hell do I know about the ages of German people? My math professor from last semester I would have sworn was in his late 20s, but apparently he's actually like 36... >_< ). I think he said he's in his second semester of a Master's Program, but in what, I don't know/remember. He talks pretty quietly, and I think he said he has hearing implants in his ears. Or something. He seems really shy and probably isn't the right type of person to be a teacher, but he does have his moments when he's actually really funny.
In case you're wondering why I keep saying I don't know/can't remember stuff about him or this class, it's because he talks so frickin' quietly.

TTH 300 - 415 -- ASB 222 Buried Cities and Lost Tribes
This class has met 4 times already. But, I've only been to 2 of them. I am a terrible person.
Basically, it's an introduction to archaeology class, focusing less on people and dates and more on how and why these things are important to modern society, and what they've done for it. The class switches off between the Professor, who reminds me of a skinny Colonel Sanders sans specs, and some Master's Degree-holding dude who is quite obnoxious and isn't cut out to lead a 400-person lecture. I suspect he is also gay. ...Let's move on, shall we?

W 200-250 -- JPN 206 Japanese Calligraphy
This class only meets for an hour once a week, so I've only been to 2 classes. Last week she handed out the materials (if we bought them from her; most of us did because it was easier in terms of physical labor, we didn't have to worry if we were getting the correct item from the art supply store, and it was far cheaper since she's got connections or something). I am now the proud owner of two fude ("brush;" one thick and one thin), a suzuri ("ink stone") and some ink. Of course, I'm mooching newsprint paper off of Rodorigesu-san, since I'm such a notorious cheapskate. But we all have our flaws.
The teacher is native Japanese, but since she is a university professor her English is really good. I think she said she got her Masters at the University of Hawaii? Anyways, in addition to teaching the calligraphy class, she also teaches a couple of 300-level Japanese classes (the intermediate-advanced conversation & composition classes) so if she's still at ASU in a couple of years I may end up having her for a class.

MWF 1255-145 -- JPN 102
TTH 130 - 220
My favorite class. It meets every day, and I'm glad. There is another section of the 102 class that only meets MWF (but for a longer amount of time, of course) but I enjoy having this class every day because, the way I see it, Japanese is my major, and I want to immerse my self in it every day. I think it's sort of detrimental to go the stop-and-go route. Plus, Wilson-sensei is a hoot. He's fucking hilarious, and he answers your questions directly (which was next to impossible with Foard-sensei. You know, that famous Japanese indirectness thing.) which makes things so much easier and stress-free. And, when you ask questions, he doesn't make you feel stupid - another obvious bonus. I just love this class. I don't know if Wilson-sensei teaches 201, but I hope he does! He rocks!


Anyways, that about wraps this up. Well, not "about," as I'm only taking 5 classes and I've listed them all here. So...Bye. C'mon. Go away. I'm done now.

Hell.

The last few days have been sent from the very depths of Hell itself.

First my computer crapped out. Then I had to drive to north Scottsdale in the pouring rain to go buy another one. Which I did, and I'm very happy with it, but it was just an expense I wasn't planning on. And now I've found out I have to spend like $300 on books + other assorted shit for my German class. And it's been pouring rain, which wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that ASU is now basically ONE BIG GIANT PUDDLE to slog through on your way to class. My jeans were literally wet up to my knees and my shoes and socks were soaked. Do you know how much it sucks to have to sit through class with your feet freezing and soaking wet because there's water sloshing around in your shoes? It sucks a lot, let me tell you. Oh, and then of course we have the DOUCHEBAG SPEEDER. The DOUCHEBAG SPEEDER is pretty much just like he sounds - he drives his car down Lemon Street (which is the street right in front of my dorm) and, since ASU is currently ONE BIG GIANT PUDDLE, he ploughs into the water going 40 miles an hour. The reason this guy is not just a speeder but also a douchebag lies in the fact that there are pedestrians (like myself) walking on the sidewalk who get doused Splash Mountain-style when he churns on by, warm and cozy in his car that's probably got butt warmers too. Fucker. I hate being a pessimest (no I don't, actually, but I feel obligated to say that since nobody likes a pessimest), but if God actually existed, I'd feel pretty confident in saying that he'd be laughing at me about now.

I'm gonna go put my socks in the microwave.